November 9, 2016

I’m going to veer off my usual topics tonight because A) It’s my blog, and I can do that. B) I’m a little bit tipsy. and C) I have things to get off my chest. Secondly, I do not care if I offend anyone so don’t come crying to me. Frankly, I hope I do offend some people. I’m in a mood to start a fight right now.

I’ve been good throughout this election. I’ve held my tongue, for the most part, or at least my typing fingers. Not because I had nothing to say but because I had too much to say. For months this has been in the back of my mind but I haven’t been able to get it down on paper. But tonight I’m going to try.

We all joked about it when Trump’s name first came up. No way would he ever be a contender-all I’d known about him at that point was that he was a billionaire playboy with some sort of reality TV thing. Even when he won the Republican nomination, there was no way he was ever going to be President of the United States of America. It all seemed like a joke. A bad joke, the kind that falls flat and maybe makes you smirk a little to demonstrate that you know it was a joke even though it wasn’t all that funny, but a joke nonetheless. But I’ve been waiting and waiting and there doesn’t seem to be a punchline.

When I left the U.S. two years ago to travel I did it because I wanted to travel. I wanted to get out of a corporate routine. I wanted new experiences. I anticipated a year, possibly two, of traveling, before returning home. There were many things in America that I disagreed with but it was comfortable. It was home. I never thought that home wouldn’t feel like home anymore. But the longer I spend living abroad the more I’ve realized that it doesn’t, that I will probably never feel entirely comfortable there again. So many Americans never look beyond their borders, never realize how much they take for granted. I know I didn’t. So I’ve known for a while that I don’t want to live in America.

But I never thought I would be so disgusted to be an American. I never thought I would be so deeply ashamed of our country. I never thought I would be seriously considering citizenship elsewhere. But at this moment I would gladly renounce my U.S. citizenship.

Even I, who had relatively little faith in America to begin with, never really thought that the majority of our citizens could be so ignorant,so racist, so intolerant, so oblivious to bald facts and that easily swayed by social media news feeds and media propaganda. But America, you proved me wrong with a vengeance today. And even if I could live with a Trump presidency, I don’t think I could live with the some 59,000,000 other people that share his views. People, friends, colleagues, neighbors who listened to this man’s ignorant, vindictive, self-serving agenda, listened to him threaten and demean minorities, mock the disabled, brag about assaulting women, and generally make a mockery of the presidency; who listened to him, and knew what he was, and still put him in arguably the most influential office in the world. I can’t live with that.

All afternoon I was distracted, trying to keep up with the news while at work. I watched the gap widen and it was upsetting. I couldn’t believe the race could possibly be this close. But I still never thought it was the end. In denial, I thought about how many states, key states weren’t even showing yet. There was still time for things to turn around. I can’t even describe the feeling I got when the official announcement came out. I’m sure I’m not the only one who felt it though-the sort of sick, nauseous, shocked, numb feeling. I’ve never cared overly much for politics or followed a race this closely. And anyone who know me knows I don’t cry over much but I was actually crying over this election today. Because this doesn’t feel political. It feels very, very, personal.

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